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THE MEN’S THESAURUS

THE MEN’S THESAURUS
Author: Rev. Timotius Tjing
Posted on: 2015-06-01 20:31:39
 

“Men don’t always say what they mean” – ladies, please allow me to translate for your future benefit

Copied from: Grace Baptist Church. Decatur, IL 62526

 

When a man says “IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN”

He means: “I have no idea how it works”

 

When a man says “TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’

He means: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner”

 

When a man says ’THAT’S INTERESTING DEAR.’

He means: “Are you still talking?”

 

When a man says: “IT’S A GUY THING”

He means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical”

 

When a man says “CAN I HELP WITH DINNER”

He means: “Why isn’t it ready yet?”

 

When a man says “UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR”

He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

 

When a man says “YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”

He means: ” I can remember the theme song to ‘Hogan’s Heroes’, the phone # of the first girl I ever kissed & the vehicle identification numbers of every car I ever owned – but yes, I forgot your birthday”

 

When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL”

He means: “I have probably severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt, so get over here and help me!”

 

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’

He means: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless”

 

When a man says “I HEARD YOU.”

He means: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you’ll not spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

 

When a man says “YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE”

He means: “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”

 

When a man says “YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!”

He means: “Oh please don’t try on one more outfit, we’re late and I’m starving.”

 

When a man says “I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’

He means:  “No one will ever see us alive again.”

 

When a man says “I DON’T THINK I CAN GO TODAY.”

He means:  Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, I am never going to think of it that way.

 

When a man says, “I DON’T REMEMBER SAYING THAT.”

It’s because he means:  “Anything I may have said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments become null and void after 7 days.”

 

When a man says, “THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.”

He means:  “If something I said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, I meant the other one.

 

If your husband says, “HONEY, WHAT COLOR IS THIS?”

He means:  ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. I have no idea what “taupe” is.

 

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY 2015

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